Your Compass in the Storm
You can have all the awareness in the world. You can be willing to take the next step. But if you don’t know what direction you’re moving in, you’ll end up walking in circles—or worse, chasing someone else’s destination.
That’s where values come in.
Your values are your True Compass. They’re the core beliefs that guide your decisions, shape your boundaries, and keep you aligned—even when life gets messy.
In this post, we’re going to talk about how knowing your values changes everything: from career moves to relationships, from setting boundaries to saying no without guilt.
When Values Made the Decision Clear
Let me share a few moments when understanding my values gave me clarity in the middle of hard decisions.
Example 1: Choosing Charlotte Over New Jersey
When my company moved its headquarters to New Jersey, I had a choice: relocate with a package, or stay and figure it out.
My heart was in Charlotte. My life was here. My people were here. So I tried to negotiate what I’d need to make the move worth it.
They wouldn’t budge.
At one point, someone told me I could “push harder” and probably get what I wanted. My response? “I’m not going to play games for money.”
Was it partly about the money? Sure—it’s more expensive there. But it was more about feeling valued. Was I valued enough to take the risk of leaving what already felt right?
My values—authenticity, integrity, alignment—made the decision clear. I accepted my package and stayed.
Example 2: Adjusting Without Compromising
There was a season when I kept getting passed over for promotions. I was told I came across “too harsh,” that I needed to “soften,” and that I answered questions too quickly, which made me seem like a “know-it-all.”
I had to adjust my words. I learned to pause. But I never stopped being who I was, and I never stopped doing the right thing.
And it paid off. I received different opportunities that led me to the path I’m on now.
Sometimes staying the course and adjusting the navigation slightly is all that’s needed. Other times, you need a whole different path. Just make sure it aligns with your own values.
What Misaligned Values Look Like
When someone doesn’t know their values—or is living against them—it shows up as:
- Severe frustration
- Anger without a clear source
- A constant feeling of “Why am I doing this?”
A few years ago, I realized I was doing many things because of “supposed to”:
- Society expects me to.
- I was told this is the right thing to do.
- Everyone else is doing it.
But they didn’t feel good.
Examples:
- Career: Keeping a job just because it makes good money—but you’re miserable. Ask yourself: What do I love? How can I turn that into income? Can I combine things I enjoy in a way that replaces this salary?
- Jealousy over vacations? Do you know how much they actually paid? Reward points, repeat customer deals, and scrappy research can get you a two-week Mediterranean vacation for less than a week at Disney World. Sometimes people find a way because they’re willing to look.
- Professional roles: Want a job that requires skills you don’t have but know you can do? Find a way to get that experience—on the job, through a free or low-cost course, or by translating something you already do into “combined experience.” It’s not fibbing if you can prove and back up what you’re saying. Real-world experience often trumps degrees when applied well.
The common thread? Living out of alignment drains you. Living in alignment fuels you.
How to Identify Your Core Values
Here’s the exercise I use with clients—and one I’ll be offering as a deeper guide soon for subscribers. (If you’re not subscribed to receive weekly updates yet, be sure you do.)
Step 1: Start with a broad list
Use a resource like the Berkeley Wellbeing Printable List of Values.
Take 5 minutes—no more—and circle or write down every word that jumps out at you. Don’t overthink it. Trust your gut.
Step 2: Narrow it down
Go back through your list and narrow it to your top 15. These are the ones that feel most important to you right now.
Step 3: Find your core 5
From those 15, identify your true top 5 core values. These are the non-negotiables—the ones that, when something clashes with them, you feel it strongly. You get upset. You cry. You feel sick to your stomach.
Your gut, heart, and mind together are an amazing filter. When you think about something, it gives you a feeling—some stronger than others. The values that rise to the top in the frame of “What’s most important to me?” or “What would my closest friends say about me?” are your core.
How Values Act as Your Compass
Once you know your core values, everything shifts.
Career decisions get clearer.
Does this role align with what matters most to me? Does this company culture support my values, or clash with them?
Boundaries become easier to set.
When you know what you stand for, saying no becomes an act of self-protection, not guilt.
Relationships get evaluated honestly.
Are the people around me aligned with my values? Are they supporting my growth, or pulling me away from what matters?
Conflict gets reframed.
When something feels “off,” you can ask: Which of my values is being brushed up against here? That awareness helps you respond with intention instead of reaction.
Living your values keeps you aligned.
Do Values Change Over Time?
Yes—and no.
Values are no different than how we think or behave. They can remain stable for a long time, or they can shift due to significant life events: trauma, marriage, childbirth, loss, major career changes.
Most will remain the same. Some will deepen or soften. And some may change altogether, especially after traumatic events.
When we first start this journey—especially if we haven’t been introspective—our list might change as we become more aware of our true selves and slough off the things we were doing because we were “supposed to.”
That’s not failure. That’s evolution.
Values + Boundaries = Protection
Understanding your core values doesn’t happen overnight. But when you truly know what matters most, you can set boundaries to maintain your centeredness and protect what you’ve built.
Example:
You can be kind and help people. But there comes a line where it could become a detriment to yourself—and that’s a boundary you’ll want to define.
To help others, you need to first be able to help yourself. This is a lesson I am still learning and growing in.
Try This: Your Values Reflection
Take 10 minutes this week and do the exercise:
- Download or review a values list.
- Circle everything that resonates.
- Narrow to your top 15.
- Identify your core 5.
Then ask yourself:
- Am I living in alignment with these values right now?
- Where am I compromising them—and why?
- What’s one decision I can make this week that honors my core values?
Final Thought
Your values are your True Compass. They don’t make decisions for you—but they show you which direction feels right.
And when you’re aligned with what matters most, even the hard decisions become clearer.
Next up: Part 4 – Intention: Choosing On Purpose
Because knowing your values is only half the work. The other half? Showing up with intention every single day.
Authentic Evolution Journey 