Authentic Evolution Journey

Understanding Your Values: The Invisible Compass Guiding Your Life

Photo by Jess Bailey Designs: https://www.pexels.com/photo/closeup-photo-of-journal-book-and-pencils-1018133/

The Compass You Didn’t Know You Had

Have you ever had a strong reaction to something someone said—and couldn’t quite explain why it bothered you so much?

Or felt drawn to a person, opportunity, or cause in a way that just made sense, even if you couldn’t articulate it?

That’s your values at work.

Your core values are the invisible compass guiding your life. They shape every decision you make, every boundary you set, and every reaction you have—often without you even realizing it.

And here’s the thing: most of us have never taken the time to actually identify what our values are.

We inherit them from family, culture, and experience. We assume we know what matters to us. But when pressed to name our top 5 non-negotiable values? Most people struggle.

Why Your Values Matter

Throughout my Foundations of Success series, I talked about six building blocks: Awareness, Willingness, Values, Intention, Accountability, and Consistency.

But Values sit at the center of all of it.

Your values are the filter through which you evaluate:

Career opportunities
Relationships
How you spend your time and energy
What you’re willing to compromise on—and what you’re not

When you understand what is truly important to you—outside of things and people—it becomes easier to:

Focus on what you can control
Understand why you react strongly in certain situations
Set boundaries that protect your energy
Make decisions that feel aligned instead of conflicted

And that alignment? That’s where clarity, resilience, and joy live.

My Values—And How They Shifted

I’ve identified my core values twice in my life.

The first time, my top 5 were:

Trust
Integrity
Acceptance
Community
Respect

The second time was six months after young men tried to steal my car at gunpoint. My top 5 shifted to:

Gratitude
Community
Trust
Integrity
Safety

Look closely, and you’ll see the core is really the same. But Safety moved to the forefront in a way it hadn’t been before.

This is why they say that at the core, most people don’t change unless there’s a major life event.

And it doesn’t have to be something as dramatic as my situation. Things like:

Getting married
Having a baby
Losing a loved one
Getting divorced
A career shift or health crisis

All of these qualify as major life events that can shift your values—or bring certain ones into sharper focus.

Your values can evolve. But your core usually stays steady.

Why This Matters for How We Show Up in the World

Here’s where this gets powerful: How someone reacts to what you say is often a reflection of their values and what’s important to them.

Think about it.

If someone gets defensive when you give feedback, it might be because Respect or Recognition is one of their core values—and they perceived your words as a threat to that.

If someone lights up when you invite them to collaborate, it might be because Connection or Contribution is central to who they are.

If someone pulls back when you push for a fast decision, it might be because Thoughtfulness or Stability drives how they process information.

This is why so many of us tout being kind to others—because you never know what they’re going through.

But more than that: understanding that reactions are often rooted in values helps us pause more effectively and meet people where they are.

Instead of taking it personally, we can ask ourselves:

What value might I have brushed up against?
How can I reframe or approach this differently?
What do they need to feel seen, safe, or supported right now?

That pause—that awareness—can change the entire dynamic.

How to Start Identifying Your Own Values

If you’ve never taken the time to intentionally identify your core values, here’s a simple way to start:

Step 1: Reflect on moments of strong emotion

Think about a time when you felt:

Deeply fulfilled – What was present in that moment?
Angry or frustrated – What value was being violated?
Proud or aligned – What were you honoring?

The answers to these questions often point to your values.

Step 2: Ask yourself these questions

What would I never compromise on, even under pressure?
What do I admire most in others?
What makes me feel most like myself?
When I’m at my best, what am I honoring?

Step 3: Look for patterns

Do certain themes keep showing up? Words like:

Trust, Integrity, Honesty
Community, Connection, Collaboration
Freedom, Independence, Creativity
Safety, Stability, Peace
Growth, Learning, Excellence

Write down 5–10 words that resonate most. Then narrow it to your core 5.

Reflection Prompts: Going Deeper

Once you have a sense of your values, take it a step further with these reflection questions:

Reflection 1: Which 2 values would you like to live more fully or out loud?

Look at your list. Are there any values you believe in deeply but don’t always act on as fully as you’d like?

Maybe it’s Courage—you value it, but you find yourself playing it safe more often than you’d like.

Maybe it’s Gratitude—you appreciate what you have, but you don’t always pause to acknowledge it.

Choose 2 values you want to live more intentionally. Then ask yourself:

What would it look like to live this value more fully?
What’s one small action I could take this week to honor this value?

Reflection 2: What is your absolute most important, non-negotiable value?

Of your core values, which one is the absolute foundation? The one that, if compromised, would make you feel completely out of alignment?

For some, it might be Integrity—you can’t be in a situation where you’re asked to bend the truth.

For others, it might be Safety—you need to feel physically and emotionally secure to show up fully.

For me, after my experience, Safety became non-negotiable in a way it hadn’t been before.

Identify your #1 non-negotiable value. Then reflect:

How does this value show up in my daily life?
Are there any areas where this value is being compromised—and what do I need to do about it?

Reflection 3: How can understanding others’ values shift how you show up?

Think about a recent interaction that felt tense or misaligned.

What value might the other person have been protecting?
How could you have met them where they were, instead of where you expected them to be?
What might change if you approached similar situations with curiosity about their values first?

This kind of awareness doesn’t excuse bad behavior—but it does create space for connection, empathy, and more effective communication.

Why This Work Matters

Your values aren’t just words on a page. They’re the foundation of how you show up, make decisions, and protect your energy.

When you know them, honor them, and live them—everything else gets clearer.

And when you recognize that others are navigating the world through their own set of values? You become more compassionate, more patient, and more effective in how you connect.

Because at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to live aligned with what matters most.

Want to Go Deeper?

Subscribers received guided exercise to help identify their core 5 values, subscribe to Authentic Evolution and get access to exclusive content.

Final Thought

Understanding your values is one of the most important pieces of self-awareness work you can do.

It’s the foundation beneath resilience, intention, and authentic living.

So take the time. Reflect. Write them down.

Because you can’t build an authentic life on borrowed values. You have to know what’s yours.

Discovering Your Core Values: The Foundation of Authentic Living

Permission to Pause: When Rest Is Productive

Photo by Thought Catalog: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-holding-cup-of-coffee-2228554/

The Energy Crash After the Sprint

The Christmas and New Year’s holidays just wrapped up, and for many of us, it’s okay to feel emotionally tired. It’s okay to need to put yourself first.

For me, the previous three weeks were incredibly energized and productive. I accomplished so many things I’d been wanting to tackle, in addition to laying the foundation for my new role. I felt on fire—clear, focused, momentum building.

Then I woke up one day and just felt disconnected.

Not sad. Not burned out. Just… off.

And here’s what I want you to know: It’s normal to have days that are not 100%.

When Rest Becomes Your Job

When these days happen, it’s important to treat recovery like your job. Self-care is a non-negotiable if you want to keep going after your goals.

On this “off” day, I still had to go to work. But my focus shifted. I wasn’t trying to be over the top (and I’m talking to my fellow overachievers here, where 100% can feel like bare minimum). I accomplished my tasks—cleanly, competently—and then I stopped pushing.

Here’s what I prioritized instead:

Nutrition and hydration. I made sure I was fueling my body properly, not just grabbing whatever was convenient.
A calm walk. Fresh air. Movement without pressure.
Reading a book in the evening. Something that let my brain settle instead of scroll.
A few cuddles with the dog. (This might have helped the most.)

And you know what? That was enough.

It’s Temporary—And That’s the Point

Maybe you need to do this for a day. Maybe two. Maybe a week.

Just know: It’s only temporary, and you’ll be back to yourself in no time.

The key is recognizing when you need the pause and giving yourself permission to take it without guilt, shame, or the story that you’re “falling behind.”

You’re not falling behind. You’re recharging.

And recharging is what allows you to keep showing up with intention, consistency, and energy over the long haul.

Rest Is Part of the Foundation

If you’ve been following the Foundations of Success series, you know that Awareness is the first building block. And one of the most important things awareness does? It tells you when to push—and when to pause.

Willingness means being willing to rest, even when it feels uncomfortable.

Intention means choosing rest on purpose, not collapsing into it out of depletion.

Accountability is owning that you need the pause and not forcing yourself to perform when your body and mind are asking for something else.

Consistency includes consistently honoring your need for recovery.

Rest isn’t the opposite of productivity. It’s part of it.

What Rest and Recharge Look Like

Rest doesn’t always mean doing nothing. Sometimes it means doing things that replenish instead of depleting.

Here are some intentional moments you can prioritize to keep your energy sustained:

Physical Rest

Sleep an extra hour (or go to bed early without guilt)
Take a nap if your schedule allows
Gentle movement: walking, stretching, yoga

Mental Rest

Step away from screens
Read fiction (not work-related content)
Listen to music, a podcast, or an audiobook that brings you joy
Journal without an agenda—just write what’s on your mind

Emotional Rest

Say no to something you don’t have capacity for
Spend time with people who energize you (not drain you)
Cuddle with a pet, hold a warm drink, sit in stillness

Creative Rest

Look at art, nature, or beauty without needing to produce anything
Let your mind wander without solving problems
Engage in a hobby with no performance pressure (cook, paint, play music, garden)

A Question for You

What are some of the activities you do to rest and recharge?

What intentional moments do you prioritize to keep your energy replenished?

Because here’s the truth: You can’t pour from an empty cup. And you can’t build a foundation on exhausted ground.

So if today—or this week—you need to pause, pause.

Give yourself permission. Treat it like your job. And trust that the rest you take now will fuel the consistency and intention you bring tomorrow.

Final Thought

High achievers often struggle with rest because it feels like stopping. But rest isn’t stopping—it’s strategic recovery.

And the most successful, resilient people I know? They’ve learned that rest is not a reward for working hard. It’s a requirement for continuing to work well.

So take the pause. Honor the disconnection. And know that you’ll be back to yourself—recharged, refocused, and ready—in no time.

Foundations of Success: Consistency – The Compound Effect of Small Actions

Photo by Diva Plavalaguna: https://www.pexels.com/photo/people-holding-gray-puzzle-pieces-6147363/

Your Reputation Is Your Pattern, Not Your Peak

We’ve spent the last five posts building a foundation: Awareness, Willingness, Values, Intention, and Accountability.

But none of it matters if you don’t show up consistently.

Because here’s the truth: Consistency is what makes everything else stick.

It’s not the single big moment that defines you. It’s the pattern. The small actions, repeated over time, that compound into the reputation, results, and resilience you’ve been working toward.

Consistent Small Actions = Long-Term Success

Consistent small actions mean looking at many levels: the daily, weekly, or monthly actions you take. And over time, that consistency leads to longer-term successful outcomes.

For me, consistent repetition trained me to have some of these skills as second nature. That’s why I use the phrase “fake it till you BECOME it”—not “fake it till you make it.”

Why?

Because as you use the skills, actions, or behaviors to do something, they are practiced. That makes you better, and soon, those are part of you. Now, as you continue to learn other things, you keep getting better.

A Real-Life Example

When I gamified my bills, some weeks I had $5 for fun. Which sucked. But okay—I could get a coffee or treat myself to Subway.

Over time, I had $10. Then $20.

Fast forward over a decade, and now I can put money in savings and have a budget for fun.

That’s the compound effect of consistency.

The Inconsistency Problem

Perfect time of year to discuss this: New Year’s resolutions.

For many, resolutions are an example of inconsistent actions and goals. They start strong with saving or dieting plans but don’t follow through after a few weeks.

Why?

Because the resolution or goal has a singular point: saving for a vacation (one time), losing 10 pounds (one point), or getting the promotion (point in time).

I’m not saying that setting goals is bad—you’re going to do something that betters you. But what happens when you reach that goal, or if something brings you off track?

Follow-through is in the form of continually consistent actions—something you can grab onto and have the desire to maintain.

Examples:

Diets can make people feel like they’re “put out” or “suffering” for a goal.
Savings plans that are too strict end because people feel bad buying things that ARE needed.

So how do we help ourselves become consistent and feel we can rely on our goals?

That’s where Consistency vs. Perfection comes in.

Consistency vs. Perfection

Let’s use dieting as an example.

If I set a goal that I’m going to focus on better nutrition and being more healthy, learn and practice that, and be consistent 80% of the time—this goal is SMART. (Highly recommend looking up SMART goals and how they help us feel empowered and motivated.)

This means I’m not going to have to be 100% strict. I can give myself grace because mom made her famous apple pie and I ate a piece!

It means you’re learning new skills, practicing them, putting them into effect, and over time you’ve brought yourself to a new skill level naturally—and the byproduct? Feeling better, likely more fit, and potential weight loss.

Above the Line vs. Below the Line

Let’s take a moment to connect this back to Above the Line and Below the Line from the previous post.

If you eat the pie, give yourself grace. Take a beat to remember that you did have your salad or vegetable, and vow to drink an extra glass of water. What you did is keep yourself Above the Line.

Now, if your goal had been only to lose 10 pounds, you might get sad, restrict yourself more in an attempt to “make up” for the pie—but neither of these are healthy. This is Below the Line behavior.

Consistency isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up regularly, even imperfectly.

The Compound Effect: Small Moments Build the Long Game

We are complex creatures, and so is the world we live in. By having SMART goals where we can layer in and take note of the successes we HAVE achieved, it helps maintain the motivation to keep going.

It’s a sliding scale.

The micro actions we take on a consistent basis for each of our goals build us up to be our better selves.

Examples of consistent cycles:

Financial: Paying bills and doing some small planning each month
Professional: Quarterly check-ins for work goals, writing up accomplishments
Health: Adding in an extra veggie or more glasses of water each day

Small moments build the long successful game.

Your Pattern Is What People Remember

When people remember us, they remember the whole—the pattern, not just one moment of success or weakness.

An example of this was pointed out by a friend and speaker I’ve known for years. A group of us were meeting for dinner. I’m usually the one who’s there early, ensuring everything is good to go. This time, I was late by about 15 minutes.

During their speech on reputation, I was in the room, and they made a point to say they had started to get worried because they knew my pattern—and this was abnormal.

This shows that in the off moments, the pattern you live is what people notice and remember.

Your reputation is your pattern, not your peak.

How to Build Consistency: Bringing It All Together

So how can we bring this all together?

First, make sure you subscribe in order to get access to the Values activity that will be coming soon.

Then, start by building a layered long-term goal.

Goal Framework:

I want to [do what] so that I can [why are we doing it], and I would like to do it [timeframe].

Example:

“I want to learn about and practice better nutrition so that I can feel better, have more energy, and be able to play more volleyball, and I will make some basic changes each week, with a goal of seeing consistent progress by May.”

This goal allows you to still have achievement even if you don’t get the ultimate “perfect” achievement. It’s a goal you can check in on, and given its small micro motions, sharing your goal with people will actually help you remain accountable as you can celebrate and high-five your little wins.

This is trackable, maintains momentum, can be layered with things you’re already doing, and when you achieve one of your milestones, you still have room to keep working and exceeding this goal.

As you do it, these habits and changes are still going to be there. You will have leveled yourself up just by trying—and that’s what continuous improvement is all about.

Key Takeaways for Building Consistency:

SMART layered goals
Realistic achievements tied to things you’re already trying to accomplish
Find an accountability partner
Focus on micro habits and small wins over the full goal
Celebrate your accomplishments to fuel the motivation to continue

Series Wrap: The 6 Foundations Working Together

Hard to believe it’s been seven weeks already. I’m hopeful this series allowed you to dig in and think differently about your goals and actions. You were likely doing many of these things already—and sometimes just a reminder is all that’s needed.

Here are the 6 foundational items I’d like for you to take forward:

1. Awareness – Shows what to work on

2. Willingness – Pushes you to act

3. Values – Guide you

4. Intention – Shapes how you show up

5. Accountability – Keeps you honest

6. Consistency – Brings it all together

When these six work in harmony, you’re not just going through the motions—you’re building a life and career that’s aligned, sustainable, and deeply fulfilling.

Your Final Challenge

I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t encourage you to take a reflection moment to write some thoughts down from what you’ve read and how that may change how you set goals moving forward.

Ask yourself:

Which of these six building blocks do I need to strengthen most?
What’s one small, consistent action I can commit to this week?
Who in my network can help hold me accountable?
How will I celebrate my small wins along the way?

The world is constantly changing around us. And if we are flexible and have the willingness to keep learning, then we will be resilient against what comes our way.

Final Thought

Consistency is the bridge between knowing and becoming.

It’s not flashy. It’s not glamorous. But rather, it’s the unglamorous work that changes everything.

So, show up, Keep showing up. And trust that those small, repeated actions are building something bigger than you can see right now.
Thank you for following along on this journey. Now go build your foundation—one consistent action at a time.

Foundations of Success: Accountability – Owning Your Part

Photo by Leeloo The First: https://www.pexels.com/photo/question-marks-on-paper-crafts-5428829/

What Accountability Really Means

The Oxford Dictionary defines accountability as “a person, organization, or institution being required or expected to justify actions or decisions, showing responsibility.”

But here’s what that looks like in real life:

Accountability is owning your part.

It’s a decision to step in, own any mistake you make honestly and sooner rather than later, and take responsibility for what you can control—while releasing what you can’t.

It’s not about perfection. It’s not about blame. It’s about showing up with responsibility and moving forward with integrity.

Over time, that habit becomes the foundation of your reputation, your relationships, and your ability to lead—whether you have a title or not.

A Personal Example: Owning My Miss

Let me share a moment when accountability mattered.

There was a situation at work where no one was leading, so I stepped in. We created next steps. I emailed the team. I said I’d set a follow-up meeting.

Then my role changed. Things got crazy. And I forgot to set the meeting.

Later, an issue came up—the exact thing we’d been trying to get ahead of. And I had to step in and own it: I knew about the issue, but I hadn’t followed up after asking the team to complete actions.

Now, to be clear—these were senior associates who should have had their own accountability. But by owning my piece first, the group was able to move forward faster than if we’d focused on assigning blame. We pushed on the next steps and got to the outcome—just later than expected.

Even those of us who take accountability seriously have moments where mistakes happen.

Own it. Sooner rather than later.

(This also brings me to something I call my Pay Now, Pay Later concept—which I’ll jump into after this series.)

Above the Line vs. Below the Line

If you’ve followed my earlier posts, you’ve heard me talk about Above the Line and Below the Line behavior. This comes from a book my management team read called The Oz Principle by Connors, Smith, and Hickman. If you haven’t had the chance to read it, I highly recommend it.

The book uses examples from The Wizard of Oz to illustrate the difference between:

Above the Line: Accountability

Ownership
Curiosity
Solutions
Positive mindset focused on overcoming issues

Below the Line: Victim Mentality

Blame
Excuses
Denial
Negative mindset stuck in “it’s not my fault”

Above the Line behavior fosters empowerment.
Below the Line behavior fosters stagnation.

And the truth is, we all slip Below the Line sometimes. The key is recognizing it and choosing to step back up.

What Lack of Accountability Looks Like

Lack of accountability isn’t just a workplace problem—it’s something we see every day in life.

The loud person spouting opinions without doing research, so the information is only partially correct
The person who doesn’t use their turn signal
The people who cut in line or don’t hold the door for the person right behind them

Maybe they haven’t been taught. Maybe they haven’t been made aware. But it creates a perception of not wanting to be involved—or not having regard for others.

It makes me think of the age-old question: “Do you put your shopping cart back in the corral?”

If you don’t put your cart back and someone else’s cart hits your car, you’re going to be mad. But you could cause the same problem for someone else. It creates a double standard.

At work, lack of accountability looks like:

The colleague who always blames the process, the tools, or other people
Leaders who delegate but don’t follow up or own outcomes
People who complain but won’t take action
The person who says “I want change” but won’t change their own behavior

What You Can Control vs. What You Can’t

When dealing with everyday problems, there are things you can control and things you can’t.

I can say with certainty this is an area of continuous improvement for me. (Understatement of the century!)

The goal is to identify all the things you may be able to do to influence or control an outcome. But the hard part is translating your patience into moments of pause when others’ choices or influences—things you can’t control—come into play.

What you CAN control:

Your effort
Your attitude
Your follow-through
Your boundaries
How you respond

What you CAN’T control:

Other people’s choices
Company decisions
External circumstances
Others’ feelings or reactions

If we want to truly maintain our energy and push forward, we have to learn to control our thoughts and release the things we cannot own. These can be others’ feelings, blockers created by their decisions, or circumstances beyond our influence.

Accountability means owning what you can—and releasing what you can’t.

Accountability ≠ Blame or Shame

If you’re someone with high accountability who cares deeply about what you do, accountability can be difficult—not in having it, but in the impact it has on yourself.

When owning a decision, it can be easy to blame yourself even if the facts were out of your control.

Be sure to remind yourself often: Unfavorable outcomes are learning opportunities.

They add facts to help you learn for the future. They’re not proof of failure—they’re proof you tried.

Accountability is about learning and adjusting, not beating yourself up.

Accountability in Community

Accountability can be built and fostered in many ways.

If you want to learn a new skill and you tell someone, you’re more likely to do it. If you’re having trouble achieving it, you can ask a mentor or friend to check in with you and help hold you accountable.

There is support in numbers.

But ultimately, it’s what we do when no one is looking that defines our core accountability. In this way, I personally feel some of this is driven by core values—which may be why some people have accountability in spades and others do not.

Accountability + Boundaries = Commitment

Accountability can help you maintain boundaries because you won’t want to waver on a commitment.

It can also help you know when your boundaries need focus.

Example:

If you’ve said yes too often and feel stretched thin, accountability means acknowledging it—and adjusting. Not blaming others for asking, but owning that you need to protect your energy going forward.

If you’ve let a boundary slide, accountability means recognizing it and recommitting—without shame, with intention.

Try This: Accountability Check-In

Take a few minutes this week and ask yourself:

Where am I avoiding ownership?
What’s one thing within my control that I can own more fully?
Where am I blaming circumstances or others instead of asking what I can do differently?
Who in my network can help hold me accountable—and who am I holding accountable in return?

Final Thought

Accountability isn’t easy. But it’s one of the most powerful building blocks you can develop.

Because when you own your part—even when it’s hard—you build trust. You build clarity. And you build the kind of reputation that opens doors, earns respect, and creates momentum.

Above the Line, always.

Next up: Part 6 – Consistency: The Compound Effect of Small Reps

Because accountability shows up once. Consistency shows up every time.

Foundations of Success: Intention – Choosing On Purpose

Photo by Pixabay: https://www.pexels.com/photo/silhouette-of-person-raising-its-hand-268134/

It’s Not Just That You Show Up—It’s How

You can have awareness. You can be willing. You can know your values.

But if you’re not intentional about how you act on all of that? You’re just going through the motions.

Intention is the bridge between knowing and doing—done with purpose.

It’s the difference between busy-ness and productivity. Between reacting and responding. Between showing up and showing up with clarity.

And over time, those intentional choices compound into the reputation, relationships, and results you’ve been building toward.

Showing Up With Intention: A Volleyball Example

Let me give you a sports example first, because it translates perfectly.

In volleyball, we “pepper” to warm up—controlled passes back and forth to get your touch dialed in. When you’re first starting out, your ability to control the ball isn’t there yet. So if you pepper with intention—square your platform, push your arms out, focus on form—you get better over time. Your control becomes obvious.

But if you’re just messing around? You stay inconsistent.

Now, don’t get me wrong—there’s a time for messing around. But when you want to get better, you have to spend some time being intentional about the motions, movements, and actions.

It’s the same thing at work. It’s the same thing in life.

If you want to fix something, you need to focus on it and take small actions—micro-choices—that feed into a longer-term, better outcome.

A Personal Example: Gamifying My Bills

There was a time when paying my bills was difficult and not a fun task. I wanted that to change.

So I took an example from a friend and gamified it for myself. I made it a challenge. I tracked progress. I celebrated small wins. And slowly, over time, I was able to see the change.

I still do that today, and it’s been a huge benefit.

Could there be a “better” way? I’m sure there is. But making that intentional change in how I managed my funds gave me the outcome I needed.

And here’s the thing: some things need continuous improvement (I’ve talked about that in other series). But in priority order, if something is working, you leave it alone and focus on the items that need attention first.

The Lack of Intention Is Also a Choice

Have you ever met someone who sat through all the planning sessions, email chains, or conversations—never spoke up—but when something went wrong, they suddenly knew it was going to happen?

Or they complain about the outcome even though they never offered facts, information, or help?

Or maybe they gloss over an email and fire back a quick reply without reading the full context, creating a frustrating back-and-forth that could have been avoided with one intentional pause?

Those are choices too. A willful lack of intention.

And over time, that lack of intention shapes your reputation just as much as intentional action does—just in the opposite direction.

Intention vs. Busy-ness: How to Tell the Difference

Let’s use a daily professional calendar as an example.

Busy-ness looks like this:

Eight hours of meetings a day, three or four of which were optional
Not saying anything or adding value (because you were optional)
Leaving work undone, or staying extra hours to complete it
Saying, “Oh goodness, I am sooo busy!”

Intention looks like this:

If a meeting is optional and you won’t add value, you accept tentatively (so you can see the thread) and use that time to focus on work that needs to be done
You protect your calendar for deep work
You make choices that lead toward productivity, completion, and fulfillment—not just activity

We joke: “All work and no play makes Johnny a boring boy.”

But here’s the real problem: All meetings and no work makes work-life balance nonexistent—and “busy” feels overwhelming instead of productive.

So ask yourself: Are you making intentional choices or actions that lead you toward productivity, completion, and fulfillment?

Micro-Choices That Fuel Intentional Living

Showing up with intention starts with how you fuel yourself and structure your days.

1. Fuel yourself first.

Are you using your PTO and downtime to fill your cup and get rest? Rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a requirement for sustained intention.

2. Take notes in every meeting.

Yes, every meeting. Even if there’s no place for you to speak up all the time, you should be taking your own notes 100% of the time. It keeps you engaged, captures what matters, and helps you show up prepared next time.

3. Move your body.

Whether it’s the gym, a yoga class, a bike ride, or a walk around the block, movement helps keep your energy up and your stress down. (Insert volleyball here!)

4. Check in.

With yourself. With a mentor. With your friends. Maintaining relationships is healthy for your soul and continues to challenge you to be your best self. Even if they’re just in your corner supporting you, that positivity—and yes, that accountability (we’ll get there next post!)—keeps you moving.

Intention Builds Reputation

When we are intentional in what we do, it precedes us in our reputation.

There are leaders who, when I meet them, say, “Oh, I’ve heard wonderful things,” or “You’ve built a reputation for yourself.”

That didn’t come from one moment. That came from a constant cultivation of what I expect for myself and how I choose to show up.

Your reputation is your pattern, not your peak. And that pattern is built through intentional, repeated choices.

Intention + Boundaries = Clarity

There are lines that even the kindest and most giving people cannot have crossed. These are boundaries. They’re malleable lines, but when pushed past, they create tension.

We want to avoid that where possible. But the key is to understand your values so that when those boundaries are pushed, you can understand it—not just feel it—which leads to clarity in decisions.

Saying no when something doesn’t feel right isn’t bad.

You’re not going to say no on a daily basis. But when something doesn’t sit right, you’ll know when to ask more questions, and you’ll be able to share—in an intentional way—that this doesn’t align with your values and you’re not comfortable.

If it doesn’t sit right with you, there’s a reason.

You are allowed to protect your energy, maintain your reputation, and choose how you want to engage.

The Pause Before the Action

When you need to pause, there are a few ways to handle it:

If it’s email:

Take a breath. Walk away. Come back and read it again before making any response. Let your brain settle before you hit send.

If it’s in person:

It’s okay to excuse yourself. Or say, “That’s something I’d like to discuss later.” Something that diffuses the situation and gives you time to breathe—and for your brain to stop screaming.

The pause is where intention lives.

Try This: Intention Audit

Take a few minutes this week and ask yourself:

Where am I going through the motions instead of showing up with intention?
Am I choosing productivity—or just busy-ness?
What’s one micro-choice I can make daily that aligns with my values and goals?
Where do I need to pause before acting?

Final Thought

Intention is not about perfection. It’s about choosing on purpose.

It’s about making small, aligned decisions that compound over time into the life, career, and reputation you actually want.

Because showing up is one thing.
Showing up with intention? That changes everything.

Next up: Part 5 – Accountability: Owning Your Part

Because intention sets the direction—but accountability keeps you on the path.

Foundations of Success: Values – Your True Compass

Photo by Victor Miyata: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-woman-holding-compass-1827215/

Your Compass in the Storm

You can have all the awareness in the world. You can be willing to take the next step. But if you don’t know what direction you’re moving in, you’ll end up walking in circles—or worse, chasing someone else’s destination.

That’s where values come in.

Your values are your True Compass. They’re the core beliefs that guide your decisions, shape your boundaries, and keep you aligned—even when life gets messy.

In this post, we’re going to talk about how knowing your values changes everything: from career moves to relationships, from setting boundaries to saying no without guilt.

When Values Made the Decision Clear

Let me share a few moments when understanding my values gave me clarity in the middle of hard decisions.

Example 1: Choosing Charlotte Over New Jersey

When my company moved its headquarters to New Jersey, I had a choice: relocate with a package, or stay and figure it out.

My heart was in Charlotte. My life was here. My people were here. So I tried to negotiate what I’d need to make the move worth it.

They wouldn’t budge.

At one point, someone told me I could “push harder” and probably get what I wanted. My response? “I’m not going to play games for money.”

Was it partly about the money? Sure—it’s more expensive there. But it was more about feeling valued. Was I valued enough to take the risk of leaving what already felt right?

My values—authenticity, integrity, alignment—made the decision clear. I accepted my package and stayed.

Example 2: Adjusting Without Compromising

There was a season when I kept getting passed over for promotions. I was told I came across “too harsh,” that I needed to “soften,” and that I answered questions too quickly, which made me seem like a “know-it-all.”

I had to adjust my words. I learned to pause. But I never stopped being who I was, and I never stopped doing the right thing.

And it paid off. I received different opportunities that led me to the path I’m on now.

Sometimes staying the course and adjusting the navigation slightly is all that’s needed. Other times, you need a whole different path. Just make sure it aligns with your own values.

What Misaligned Values Look Like

When someone doesn’t know their values—or is living against them—it shows up as:

Severe frustration
Anger without a clear source
A constant feeling of “Why am I doing this?”

A few years ago, I realized I was doing many things because of “supposed to”:

Society expects me to.
I was told this is the right thing to do.
Everyone else is doing it.

But they didn’t feel good.

Examples:

Career: Keeping a job just because it makes good money—but you’re miserable. Ask yourself: What do I love? How can I turn that into income? Can I combine things I enjoy in a way that replaces this salary?
Jealousy over vacations? Do you know how much they actually paid? Reward points, repeat customer deals, and scrappy research can get you a two-week Mediterranean vacation for less than a week at Disney World. Sometimes people find a way because they’re willing to look.
Professional roles: Want a job that requires skills you don’t have but know you can do? Find a way to get that experience—on the job, through a free or low-cost course, or by translating something you already do into “combined experience.” It’s not fibbing if you can prove and back up what you’re saying. Real-world experience often trumps degrees when applied well.

The common thread? Living out of alignment drains you. Living in alignment fuels you.

How to Identify Your Core Values

Here’s the exercise I use with clients—and one I’ll be offering as a deeper guide soon for subscribers. (If you’re not subscribed to receive weekly updates yet, be sure you do.)

Step 1: Start with a broad list

Use a resource like the Berkeley Wellbeing Printable List of Values.

Take 5 minutes—no more—and circle or write down every word that jumps out at you. Don’t overthink it. Trust your gut.

Step 2: Narrow it down

Go back through your list and narrow it to your top 15. These are the ones that feel most important to you right now.

Step 3: Find your core 5

From those 15, identify your true top 5 core values. These are the non-negotiables—the ones that, when something clashes with them, you feel it strongly. You get upset. You cry. You feel sick to your stomach.

Your gut, heart, and mind together are an amazing filter. When you think about something, it gives you a feeling—some stronger than others. The values that rise to the top in the frame of “What’s most important to me?” or “What would my closest friends say about me?” are your core.

How Values Act as Your Compass

Once you know your core values, everything shifts.

Career decisions get clearer.

Does this role align with what matters most to me? Does this company culture support my values, or clash with them?

Boundaries become easier to set.

When you know what you stand for, saying no becomes an act of self-protection, not guilt.

Relationships get evaluated honestly.

Are the people around me aligned with my values? Are they supporting my growth, or pulling me away from what matters?

Conflict gets reframed.

When something feels “off,” you can ask: Which of my values is being brushed up against here? That awareness helps you respond with intention instead of reaction.

Living your values keeps you aligned.

Do Values Change Over Time?

Yes—and no.

Values are no different than how we think or behave. They can remain stable for a long time, or they can shift due to significant life events: trauma, marriage, childbirth, loss, major career changes.

Most will remain the same. Some will deepen or soften. And some may change altogether, especially after traumatic events.

When we first start this journey—especially if we haven’t been introspective—our list might change as we become more aware of our true selves and slough off the things we were doing because we were “supposed to.”

That’s not failure. That’s evolution.

Values + Boundaries = Protection

Understanding your core values doesn’t happen overnight. But when you truly know what matters most, you can set boundaries to maintain your centeredness and protect what you’ve built.

Example:

You can be kind and help people. But there comes a line where it could become a detriment to yourself—and that’s a boundary you’ll want to define.

To help others, you need to first be able to help yourself. This is a lesson I am still learning and growing in.

Try This: Your Values Reflection

Take 10 minutes this week and do the exercise:

Download or review a values list.
Circle everything that resonates.
Narrow to your top 15.
Identify your core 5.

Then ask yourself:

Am I living in alignment with these values right now?
Where am I compromising them—and why?
What’s one decision I can make this week that honors my core values?

Final Thought

Your values are your True Compass. They don’t make decisions for you—but they show you which direction feels right.

And when you’re aligned with what matters most, even the hard decisions become clearer.

Next up: Part 4 – Intention: Choosing On Purpose

Because knowing your values is only half the work. The other half? Showing up with intention every single day.

Foundations of Success: Willingness – The Superpower of Readiness

Photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/shadow-of-a-person-on-gray-wall-6203497/

Awareness Shows You the Work. Willingness Picks Up the Shovel.

In the last post, we talked about awareness—the ability to see what’s really there, including the hard truths about yourself, your patterns, and your circumstances.

But awareness alone doesn’t change anything.

You can see the problem clearly. You can understand what needs to shift. But if you’re not willing to take the next step—to do the uncomfortable thing, to practice the new behavior, to take the risk—nothing moves.

Willingness is the bridge between knowing and doing.

And it’s one of the most powerful building blocks you can develop.

The Moment I Had to Choose Willingness Over Comfort

Early in my banking and fintech career, I was ready for a change. I’d been getting great feedback from leaders on special testing programs I was involved in, and they encouraged me to “go for it.”

One of my friends had already taken the leap—moved to Delaware to work in a different department. When I was in Delaware for training, I started to think: Maybe I could do this too.

Then a posting appeared: a full-time QA tester role on a team building a project I had actually suggested in a Voice of Associate survey. I applied. I interviewed. And then the recruiter called.

The job was mine.

But.

The role had been moved to North Carolina. Not Delaware.

Talk about a punch to the gut.

I was ready for change. I was ready to take a risk. But it was supposed to be a calculated risk—to Delaware, where my friend was, where I’d been training. Now the game had changed.

I didn’t know anyone in North Carolina. My sister lived there, but she was four hours away—not exactly a quick drive.

I was already aware I needed a change to shift my path. Now I had to step into willingness.

So I negotiated for more money. And I moved myself 1,100 miles away from home.

We don’t know what the outcome will be in the moment. But we have to be willing to walk through the pros and cons and make the decision that moves us in the right direction.

For me. Taking that risk was the best decision of my life, putting me on a path I never knew was possible, and 10 years later, that friend in Delaware, moved to North Carolina. Even when scary, if we are willing to show up and take that chance, it could lead to amazing possibilities.

What Unwillingness Looks Like

Most of the time, people who are willing but don’t know how will seek out coaching—from licensed coaches, mentors, or trusted confidants.

Some who are on the fence will start seeking help after being coached or after uncomfortable circumstances force their hand.

But the most unwilling are either:

Still lacking in awareness (they don’t see the problem yet), or
Scared because of past circumstances—and let’s face it, change is scary.

Example:
The person who knows their relationship is toxic but stays because companionship fulfills a basic need. It’s easier. It’s familiar. Even though they know it’s not right.

Or the person who says they want a promotion but won’t ask for feedback, take on stretch assignments, or practice the skills the role requires. They want the outcome—but not enough to put in the effort.

Only you can make the decision to embrace the changes necessary to achieve your goals.

And sometimes, taking the first step is the hardest. But after that? You become more resilient. The next obstacle gets a little easier. The next step feels a little more natural.

Willingness vs. “Fake It Till You Make It”

Let’s clear something up.

“Faking it” sounds like you’re pretending—temporarily performing until you get caught or until something clicks.

But here’s the truth: Faking it until you become it is actually practice.

When you intentionally emulate the actions of what you want to be, you’re not faking—you’re building your skill base. You’re adding to your foundation. And over time, those actions become natural. You stop “faking” because you’ve practiced your way into competence.

That’s why willingness is the superpower.
You’re willing to practice even when it feels awkward. You’re willing to take the rep even when you don’t feel ready. And through those reps, you become the thing you were reaching for.

Willingness as a Bridge

If you’re aware of what needs to be done, then being willing to put in the practice and effort—those intentional moments—walks you across the bridge from where you are to where you’re going.

Example:
Let’s say you’re someone who closes up emotionally and struggles to be vulnerable. You know this limits your relationships and your leadership.

So you practice. You start small—with someone you trust. You open up a little more. You share something real.

It feels uncomfortable at first. But the more often you do it, the easier it becomes. And eventually, you learn that you can walk a line—a boundary—of how far you want to open up, depending on the person and the circumstances.

That’s the great thing about becoming more aware and willing: you start to see you have more control than you thought.

You’re not at the mercy of your patterns. You’re actively shaping them.

A Simple Willingness Practice

Here’s a question to sit with:

Is there something you’re aware you need to do—but you haven’t reached the willingness phase yet?

Use the awareness exercise from Part 1:

What’s the thing I’m avoiding?
Why does it feel uncomfortable or difficult?
What would it take, in my own world, to do it?
Is this something I actually want—or am I reacting to someone else’s idea of success?

Then brainstorm a few different ways you might take one small step toward that uncomfortable thing.

Maybe it’s:

Sending the email you’ve been drafting for weeks.
Asking a mentor or trusted colleague for honest feedback.
Saying yes to one stretch assignment even though you’re not sure you’re ready.
Having the hard conversation you’ve been avoiding.
Making one financial decision that requires short-term sacrifice for long-term gain.

Pick one. Try it. See what happens.

Because willingness isn’t about being fearless. It’s about being ready—even when you’re scared.

Willingness + Boundaries = Empowerment

When you practice willingness, you also learn where your boundaries are.

You learn:

How much you’re willing to stretch before you need to protect your energy.
Which risks are worth taking and which aren’t aligned with your values.
When to say yes and when to say no—both with intention.

Willingness doesn’t mean saying yes to everything. It means being ready to engage with the decision consciously, to weigh it, and to choose your next step with clarity.

That’s not weakness. That’s power.

Final Thought

Awareness is the foundation. But willingness is the bridge.

It’s the superpower that turns knowing into doing. It’s the muscle you build one uncomfortable rep at a time. And over time, those reps don’t just make you more capable—they make you more resilient, more confident, and more aligned with the life you actually want.

So ask yourself today:

What am I willing to do—even if it scares me—to move toward the success I define?

Next up: Part 3 – Values: Your True Compass

Because once you’re willing to act, you need to know which direction to move in.

Foundations of Success: The Importance of Awareness

Photo by Darya Grey_Owl: https://www.pexels.com/photo/autumn-reflection-in-a-rain-puddle-on-a-street-34747306/

You Can’t Build on Ground You Haven’t Surveyed

We’ve all heard the saying: “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.”

In the real world, that translates to something more honest: know yourself, know what you impact, and know why you’re doing it—or you’ll be miserable.

I’ve faced retaliation. I’ve worked in toxic environments. I’ve had leaders who made my life harder than it needed to be. But what kept me moving forward wasn’t pretending it didn’t hurt—it was awareness. Awareness of the bigger picture. Awareness of what I was trying to accomplish. Awareness that my mission wasn’t defined by someone else’s dysfunction.

When I could find joy in some part of the work—knowing I was building something useful, helping someone, or moving toward a goal that mattered—the other stuff bounced off easier.

Not always. Not perfectly. But enough to keep going.

That’s what awareness does. It gives you the clarity to separate what matters from what’s just noise.

What Lack of Awareness Looks Like

I once had a colleague—a really talented senior developer—who constantly complained about how others less senior were getting promoted. They wanted to be an architect. They had the technical chops. But their attitude was the real blocker.

And they couldn’t see it.

Even when it was gently pointed out, they weren’t willing to accept it. They didn’t have the awareness to realize how they were showing up—or the willingness to change the reputation they’d built.

Eventually, they left for another role. They got hired. But they still weren’t happy, because it wasn’t the role meant for them. They were chasing a title without understanding what they really wanted—or what was holding them back.

I’ve also seen senior executive leaders who succeed by building strong teams. They’re relationship-driven, great at delegating. But once cuts happen or a key team member leaves, they have to step up—and suddenly it’s clear they’re missing the foundational skills. Their role gets layered or they move elsewhere.

In both cases, the pattern is the same: lack of awareness leads to stagnation.

The Cost of Refusing to Look

The biggest cost for those who are unable—or unwilling—to build awareness? Stagnation.

They continue to see others achieve success. They feel angry, frustrated, envious. But in reality, they’re making a choice of inaction that keeps them exactly where they are.

They miss out on opportunities, connections, and experiences that could not only help them on the journey to success but multiply that success later on.

Everything is a choice.
Even choosing not to look is a choice.

How to Start Building Awareness

If awareness is the foundation, how do you actually build it?

Here’s a simple practice I give clients:

Track Your Emotional Reactions

When you feel yourself react—emotionally, defensively, jealously—to something someone said or something you observed, write it down.

Then ask yourself:

What was the thing they said or have that made me react?
What would it take, in my own world, to achieve that?
Is this something I actually want—or am I reacting to an idea of success that doesn’t even fit me?

This grounds you in reality. It separates envy from aspiration. And it helps you see whether the path forward is even one you want to walk.

Sometimes the answer is: Yes, I want that. Here’s what I need to do.
Other times it’s: Actually, that’s not my version of success. I can let this go.

Both answers are valuable.

Awareness + Boundaries = Protection

Here’s where boundaries come in.

When you know that a person or situation causes you to react—or overreact—awareness gives you the power to choose.

You can:

Work toward lessening your response.
Put boundaries in place to protect your energy.

Example:
If I know that John Doe’s comments cause me to spiral or not show up as my best self, I can choose to stay away. I can politely decline events where he’ll be present. I can prepare mentally if I have to interact with him.

If I know certain topics trigger strong reactions, I can steer conversations away—or remove myself entirely.

Boundaries are rooted in choice.
And choice is rooted in awareness.

If a line is crossed, I can be flexible and polite—or I can hold a hard boundary and walk away. But I can only make that call if I see the line in the first place.

Awareness Is the First Step—Not the Only Step

Awareness alone won’t change your life. But nothing changes without it.

You can’t fix what you can’t see.
You can’t grow where you refuse to look.
And you can’t build a solid foundation on ground you haven’t surveyed.

So if you’re frustrated with where you are—if you’re envious of someone else’s success—if you feel stuck—start here.

Ask yourself:

What am I not seeing about myself?
What patterns am I repeating without realizing it?
What would someone I trust say if I asked them for honest feedback?

The answers might sting. But they’ll also set you free.

Next up: Part 2 – Willingness: The Superpower of Readiness

Because awareness shows you the work. Willingness is what gets you to pick up the shovel.

Foundations of Success: Unglamorous Work That Changes Everything

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-raising-her-hands-up-while-sitting-on-floor-with-macbook-pro-on-lap-3813341/

You See the Outcome. You Don’t See the Work.

When people come to me with frustrations about their career or life, it often sounds like a complaint about someone else. “Why did she get promoted and not me?” “How does he afford that house?” “They just got lucky.”

But underneath that complaint is usually a comparison—a “why not me?” wrapped in judgment or jealousy. And here’s the truth I’ve learned through years of coaching and my own hard seasons: what you’re seeing isn’t the whole story.

You see the promotion. You don’t see the years of early mornings practicing presentations, building relationships, and volunteering for the projects no one else wanted.

You see the dream house. You don’t see the three years of ramen dinners, shared apartments, and saying no to every dinner invitation to save for a down payment.

You see someone who looks like they’re “winning.” But you don’t see their unglamorous groundwork—or, honestly, whether they’re even as happy as they seem.

And here’s the kicker: sometimes the success you’re envious of wouldn’t even fit you. Because you haven’t done the core work to understand your own values, desires, and what success actually means to you.

Or Maybe You Conveniently Forget

I get it. I’ve been on both sides.

Years ago, I had what looked like a decent job—working in a call center. But I’d just had surgery, and the after-effects were brutal. I had to take intermittent FMLA, which meant unpaid leave. I was “working” 40 hours a week but only getting paid for 28–30.

My apartment was $270 a month—and falling apart. Roaches. Broken fixtures. But even that was hard to afford. My car payment, my bills, groceries… I was eating ramen and those 5-for-$5 noodle dishes because I had to be responsible and pay what I could.

I didn’t know if it was going to get better. But I had to try. I had to be willing.

I had the awareness that things weren’t good. I had the accountability to admit that the only person who was going to help me… was me.

I confided in a friend. She shared how she dealt with her debt, and I set on a path to make it work. I was depressed at times. But the more I worked to try to fix it, the easier it slowly got—and I started to feel happier because I could see a path.

Then I started setting intentional goals. And eventually, those small steps became bigger steps. Each difficult thing I faced taught me more about who I was.

But that also meant I wasn’t going out for dinners. I wasn’t drinking Starbucks. I wasn’t getting the latest phone or clothes. I had to sacrifice in the moment to build a solid foundation for the future—because all it would take is one thing to put me back where I was. And in this world, that could happen at any moment.

Why This Series? Why Now?

Lately, I’ve heard more people complaining about “these days”—where’s the humanity? Where’s the human component?

I see people at work with zero awareness of how their words or actions impact others. I see folks who feel they’re deserving of money or promotion but aren’t putting in the effort that would earn it. I see hard workers and people trying to do the right thing burned out by toxic cultures that reward the wrong behaviors. Then others, putting themselves behind before they start by trying to choose the want, not the need.

People are exhausted.

And honestly? We’re only as good as the effort we put in.

If I can help or educate even one person to shift from resentment to readiness, from judgment to self-work, then this series is worth it.

The 6 Building Blocks That Change Everything

Over the next several posts, we’re going to unpack the six foundational building blocks that separate wishing from winning. These aren’t hacks. They’re not sexy. But they work—if you’re willing to do the unglamorous work behind the scenes. Olympians don’t just show up and win gold. They practice: intentionally, and alot.

Here’s what’s coming:

1. Awareness – Seeing What’s Really There

You can’t build a foundation on ground you haven’t surveyed. Self-awareness is the bedrock beneath everything else.

2. Willingness – The Superpower of Readiness

The quality of being prepared to do something—even when it’s hard, uncertain, or uncomfortable. Willingness unlocks everything.

3. Values – Your True Compass

Knowing what matters to you makes decisions easier and keeps you aligned when life gets messy.

4. Intention – Choosing On Purpose

Daily micro-choices that align with your macro goals. It’s how you show up, not just that you show up.

5. Accountability – Owning Your Part

Taking responsibility for what you can control and letting go of what you can’t. Above the line, always.

6. Consistency – The Compound Effect of Small Reps

Your reputation is your pattern, not your peak. Small, repeated actions build trust, skill, and momentum.

This Isn’t About Perfection

This series isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being honest. It’s about doing the unglamorous work that no one sees—so you can build a version of success that actually fits you.

Because here’s the truth: success isn’t luck. It’s a long game built on invisible groundwork.

And if you’re willing to do that work? Everything changes.

Stay tuned for the next installment: Awareness – Seeing What’s Really There.

Subscribe to continue reading